Thursday, February 11, 2010

{i am a whore, i do confess}

i am. it's true.
but i'm thankful that Jesus loves whores.
and all other people as well.
i am Jesus bride, but i whore myself to so many things.
to gluttony.
to sexual immorality.
i lie.
i give myself over to anger.
i gossip.
i recently found myself back in a sin i though didn't exist for myself anymore.
i made confessing to my husband. to God.
but, i was disgusted with myself.
i didn't want to read my bible.
i didn't want to approach God's throne and lay myself bare, my whoring self before him.
so i didn't. i avoided prayer. i avoided reading Truth.
i started to feel like i was drowning.
really, i was.
every moment of my days were spent remembering my sin, and condemning myself for it over and over again.
casey kept asking me, is everything ok? and i'd say, yeah, i'm good.
a lie.
this morning, i forced myself to open my Bible.
God is so good.
after reading several affirming and convicting pieces of Scripture, i felt my heart
tenderly open up again.
and then, i had a realization.
it's one of those things, that i'm not certain i would be able to come up with, or understand if i weren't a parent. if i didn't have daughters who are sinners.
i was thinking about how much delaney absolutely delights my heart.
how beautiful and joyful amelia is.
i discipline them daily for their ugly, sinful nature.
and when the discipline is over, i look at them and i don't see their sin.
i see their beautiful faces, their stunning hearts.
and i had to come to realize that it's the same for me.
God knew i would sin over and over and over and over.
that's why the Cross.
and when my discipline is over, God doesn't remember my sin.
He sees my beautiful face, my stunning heart.
He know's i am a whore....
but He married me anyway.
watch this video. listen to the words.
realize His grace for you too.

Wedding Dress
by Derek Webb