{daily delaney}

so yesterday i told delaney that we were going to poop scoop in the back yard.

little known to me, this would be a thrill unlike one she had never known before.

seriously, she was so {excited} to go on a poop hunt.

like, she was so excited to do it, that at nap time yesterday we had this conversation:

"ok lane.  if you do not ignore amelia (millie can be a bit of a pest during sleep times) and go to sleep right away, you will not get to help me poop scoop the yard."

lane: "but MOM! i  WANT to scoop poop."

me: "ok, then you need to obey my instruction and go right to sleep."
lane: "ok!"

and she did.  man, she's never taken such a great nap before!  all at the prospect of getting to pick up dog turds.  {weirdo!}

so this morning we headed out on our poop adventure in the giant back yard.

as we were walking searching for poop, lane says:

"mom, i think i saw something black.  must have been poop.  or a butterfly."

WHAT?  a butterfly?!?!  how do you mistake a butterfly for turds!?!?  or vice versa? 

oh, that kid. she blows me away.  i have so much fun hanging out with her.

the next time you see something that resembles poop, take a close look, it just might be a butterfly.

{rourke jonathan and remington david}

6ish years ago, my sister Sam had a little boy and they named him Rourke Jonathan.
Jonathan after David's dear friend in the Bible.

unknown to us, roughly 5.5 years later, i would birth a little boy whom we named Remington David.
David after Jonathan's dear friend in the Bible.

it is my prayer and my hope that these two little boys carry on the honorable attributes of their namesakes.
Rourke and Remi are already good friends.
i'm eager to see how their friendship will grow!

{embrace the camera} May 9, 2011

a quiet morning before we closed on our house and moved out.

without mornings like these....i'm not sure how i would have handled the roller coaster of emotion that has been the last month

emily reposted the rules this last week, so go read them here before you participate.

and have fun!

{women and modesty}

"As women, clothing and appearance are some of the most powerful and important means we have of sending a message about our hearts and our values. So here’s the question. What do your clothes and your appearance communicate about you? What message are you sending? Unfortunately, this issue represents an area where too many Christian women have accepted the secular world’s way of thinking, with the rationalization that 'Maybe it’s okay so long as we just don’t go to the farthest extremes.' That’s why we have to go back to the Word of God and ask, 'What is God’s way of thinking about all this? What message should we be sending? And how can we send that message with our clothing and with our outer appearance?'” Nancy Leigh DeMoss

i was struck pretty deeply when i first read this quote.

i am a woman who has struggled since roughly the age of 5 with my body image.

i experienced about 8years caught in the traps of an eating disorder.

i learned over the years that my body and the clothes i choose to wear speak many

 words about my character.

we as women wear clothes to be noticed.

or not noticed.

i don't care who you are as a woman, you use your clothes to place an identity on yourself.

you wear them to say, "look at me.  i'm sexy."  

"look at me, i'm trendy."

"don't look at me, i'm insecure."

and so on.

i was (and still very much am) the girl who falls into the "look at me" category.

i know.  get over myself, right?

and it's this funny thing for me, because though i want people to look at me, it's not because i'm confident....it's because i'm immensely insecure.

i want to come off as girl who is trendy, and confident, and well, attractive.

i use my clothes to do so.

recently, though, i've been rather convicted on the choice in clothing i make.

the trend right now, is really one that lends to modesty.

most tops are loose and flow-y...

bremuda type shorts and far more popular then the short little hoochie ones.

i guess my big struggle is to wear those flow-y type tops and not feel fat.

or not want people to think i'm fat.

my insecure flesh wants to wear tighter fitting clothes, so i can prove "i've lost my baby weight, look how great i am!"

uugghhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gross.

then only person who needs to know what my body looks like is my husband, and if he is well satisfied in me, then that's all that should matter!

i'm getting there.

really, i am.

what are your clothes speaking about you?

{what'sa goin on?}

yikes.  can you say neglected?

cuz, that's what this blog has been these last few months.

i have some good excuses, i promise.

so have you ever prayed that God would refine you?

well, let me tell you...this is not a request that is going to go unnoticed.

(not that any do, really, but you know what i mean).

really, if you pray that God would refine you....expect refinement.

and expect it to be hard.

and tiring.

and well, refining.

over the last months, i have run the grommet of:

*planning to move in Feb. and delaying that move until our house sold.

*serious skin issues and working through figuring out that i apparently have allergies to

 both purex laundry detergent and eggs.

*multiple friends experiencing high-risk pregnancies and miscarriage.

(you might wonder why this is refining for me, but these are women that i love dearly and grieve for and share in the emotions of their experiences on an incredibly deep level....one of the challenges of having the spiritual gifts of compassion and mercy)

*financial stress beyond anything that casey or i have ever experienced in our entire marriage.

*realizing that some friendships are friendships of convenience--meaning that if it's convenient for them, then they are my friend. and dealing with the fact that this has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with their own selfishness.

*emotions dealing with our house finally going under contract and planning our move to Manhattan, KS

*having my husband experience hesitation and doubt in moving...and the emotional impact of seeing him waver in his confidence---he's an INCREDIBLY confidant man and it shook me to the core to see him struggle.

*losing the money we thought we were going to have after closing.

*deciding that it was in fact not in God's will for us to move.----the day before we closed on our house.

*being homeless (not in the sense that we are living on the streets....we have generous friends and family who are letting us crash on their couches and in their basements).

*grieving not moving to Manhattan.

*experiencing  feelings of being displaced and out of sorts in Ft. Collins.

just to name a few of the things that's we've had going on.

and yes, i have been refined. and refined. and refined.

it's been good for me to step out of my comfortable american lifestyle .

to lean on my husband, my friends and God.

it's been a roller coaster of emotion...but i'm certain i'll look back and see God's hand.

i'll see what i can do to post a little more as i continue to couch and basement hop over the next months.